adhd & my experience with it

Hello again!

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of research about ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and decided that I want to explore how the information relates to me personally. I figure perhaps it could inspire further interest in the minds of others, as well as spread awareness.

I’d like to start by saying that there appears to be a lot of misconceptions about what ADHD actually is. Much of this is probably malformed by our first introduction to the disorder many years ago. 

I want you to picture it: What do you see when you think of ADHD? 

I bet most of you thought of a little boy squirreling around in your elementary school class. While this child very likely did have ADHD, the disorder comes with so many other lesser known characteristics and behaviors, many of which are virtually unobservable to anyone but the person bearing it. Many people turn their hyperactivity inwards as a means of adhering to social norms (ie: masking). As a result, it is hard for others to see, and thus, hard to diagnose. Many people with ADHD bottle up their supercharged thoughts, which, left unmanaged, can fast-track one’s mind towards other mental illnesses. This is likely why there is such a big overlap between people who have ADHD and other mood disorders (anxiety and depression in particular). In essence, on the surface, ADHD feels like an index of seemingly random idiosyncrasies; the kind that you can revisit and weaponize against yourself as you lay in bed at night. However, upon further inspection, it becomes apparent that this is not the case. There is a structure to this madness.

But to keep it brief, the latest iteration of the DSM has broken the disorder into three types:

IMPULSIVE COMBINED  INATTENTIVE

I like to think of these types as on a spectrum. You have the impulsive type which is much more like the child in class that had trouble controlling themself. Then there is the inattentive type which is typically more spacey, forgetful, zoned out (think absent-minded professor or the dumbest smart person you’ve ever met - we’ve all met them - stop looking at me). Lastly there is the combined type which is a mixture of both.

Below I have provided a list of ADHD symptoms or behaviors that I am intimately aware of within myself:

Note: I am personally of the inattentive camp. In fact, as I type this, I am fighting the urge to do something else really quick and come right back to writing this (PSST - I won’t come back, it’s a trap neurodivergents set for themselves). In true ADHD fashion, these are not in a particular order.

• underdeveloped mood regulation (moody)

• chronic procrastination

• underdevelopment of executive functions (lack of followthrough or ability to stay on top of day-to-day tasks)

• shutting down and doing nothing when overwhelmed see also: getting “stuck” or paralysis by analysis

• having a creative temperment

• inconsistent streams of emotion/energy/attention

• tendency to get overstimulated in situations with a lot going on and want to get away from it

• overthinking social situations

• forgetfulness / lack of attention to detail

• prone to addictive behavior due to lower dopamine levels in ADHD people

• hyper-focusing (ability to zone in on something so fully that you forget time and surroundings)

• constantly cycling through interests / deeply researching topics and then getting bored and moving on

• subsequently info dumping your passions and interests onto others 

• thrill seeking/stimulating senses

• chameleon personality / loss or confusion of inner identity 

• constant feeling of being different than those around you

• constantly feeling like a burden

• low self-image

• preoccupation or difficulty with eye contact (I’m always worried I’m making too much or too little eye contact)

• internalized hyperactivity/noisy inner dialogue / racing thoughts 

• zoning out / frequent dissociation

• rejection sensitivity  see also: Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) - when you experience severe emotional pain because of a failure or feeling rejected

• chronically tormented by guilt and shame

• preoccupation with religion and having a clean moral slate

• wanting others to get to the point quickly while you, yourself, do not when you speak

• anxiety when people and environments arent direct and authentic (requires a lot of reading in between lines and overexcites the brain into overthinking)

• sensory sensitivities (light/sound/textures/etc)

• impulsive decision-making. (actions without thinking of the consequences)

• interrupting people while they talk so you don’t lose what you were doing to say

• genetic history/predisposition 

• tendency to find that many of their friends are also on the neurodivergent spectrum (we instinctively find each other because we like what we relate to)

If you would like a more organized breakdown, or would like to research further, I highly suggest visiting the link for a great article I found on the topic.

ADHD SYMPTOMS - CLEVELAND CLINIC

Thanks everyone for tuning in to my freak show yet another week. You may all carefully exit out of my ear in a single file.

Until next time! Take care.